Did you ever have a dream that you woke from and just couldn’t shake? One that after waking in the middle of the night, you manage to fall back to sleep only to have the dream continue where if left off or along the same time line? Dreams like that really bother me.
I had one of those very dreams last night. It was one that no mother ever wants to have and I’m sure never wants to live through.
I’m not even sure I want to put it in writing, it was that disturbing to me. It seemed so real and there was nothing I could do. I was alone and that scared me. But, maybe writing about it will make me feel better and I can put into persective why I actually had the dream.
I dreamed that Bug drowned. I don’t know where we were or why we were there. I’ve never been to this place before. I was talking with someone (unknown to me) and Bug ran out side. I had flashback that I had been teaching him to swim and he was doing very well. It was only a few seconds after Bug ran by that I followed him outside. When I walked outside he was no where to be found and when I looked over the top of the deep, blue vinyl above ground pool, that’s when I saw him. Floating face down in the water. It was like time moved faster and then slowed to a near stand still. I jumped into action, pulling him from the pool and starting CPR. In life, I haven’t had a CPR class in a long time, but in the dream, I knew exactly what to do, checking his breathing, pulse, etc. I started chest compressions and breathing and I could feel his tiny little body, lying so still, as I worked, crying out his name. I could feel his chest move up and down as I blew my breath into his little lungs, willing him to come back to me. I think that is what bothered me the most. I’m still getting all teary just thinking about it.
It was shortly after that that I woke from the dream. I was alone in the bed. Darling Hubby had left for work and Bug was not yet awake. I tried to settle myself back down and managed to drift back to sleep only to find that the dream was continuing, along the same time line. This time, it was after the pool incident. He was already gone…I did a lot of crying and trying to find him. Much of the first dream kept replaying in my mind in the second dream. I just couldn’t let it go. Oddly, there was no one to console me or help me get through, not even Darling Hubby. There were people around, but they didn’t seem to know what I was going through or understand. While I had the feeling they were family, they felt like complete strangers. It was as if they were in the dark about what happened or refused to acknowledge it. I felt alone…
I woke when I heard Bug getting out of bed to go to the bathroom and brought him into bed with me to snuggle. I needed a hug from him and just needed to have him close.
This dream has been bothering me all day. It’s as if my mind just won’t let it go. Playing with Bug and holding him close has helped a bit, but I have a feeling this is going to keep haunting me for a while. I feel like I need to find out where it took place so I can prevent it from happening. If felt like an omen or warning. I’m not one to read into dreams.
Maybe it was a good omen. A friend of mine once told me that dreaming of death, especially the death of a child, meant that someone close to me was going to have a baby. Let’s hope that’s all it really meant…